Friday, July 9, 2010

Oh the indignity...

 I am awake before my alarm clock goes off. I am energized. I am giddy. It is Friday.
On Friday's I feel like I can do anything. I am invincible.

Added bonus?
Why yes, please...
Today is a half day at work.


I shower and quickly dress. This morning the usual mental anguish and acrobatics that I am forced to endure while attempting to put on and position "the dreaded pantyhose" over "miss baby cakes" isn't nearly as exhausting thanks to a little extravagant splurge necessary purchase I managed to make the night before.

Yes, thanks to the invention of maternity hose, I now can pull those suckers up with ease. 
I do not have to pull a hammy.
I do not have to wonder if I am cramping baby's style.
I do not have to constantly fight the dreaded "roll down."
They are up... and they are up to stay.


I have my bowl of Crunchy Raisin Bran cereal, while I check the weather.
Nothing on the horizon that I can't live with.
This morning it doesn't even bother me that Kirk is still snoozing soundly asleep in bed while I am awake.
He is even sort of adorable when he sleeps. Sort of.

I am out the door and off to work!
It is a beautiful sunshiny day. Glorious! Did I mention that it is Friday, and a half day?
I look down to see if I truly have a happy bounce in my step or if it is just my imagination...
And. then. the. trouble. begins.

My fabulous pantyhose are R.E.D.
Well, reddish.
What in the world? The package said "nude" - whose nude legs were they talking about?
Not mine.
So now my legs, normally a sickly shade of whitish peach, are a gruesome shade of watered down barn red. Love it not.

BUT it IS Friday, and I only HAVE to wear them for FOUR hours.
I'll live.

I continue walking. Bouncy stride altered only slightly.
I nearly make it up the old stone steps, when suddenly I feel a little draft...
I investigate and find that my zipper is busted.
I pick up my stride towards the office optimistically thinking, "maybe I can fix it..."
However, once in the office, I  find, upon further inspection, that I can not fix it.
I head back home to change.

Down the Administration building staircase, out the door, across main campus, and down the old stone steps I go holding tightly to my skirt, shirt and sweater so that some quantity of decency can be maintained.
As I step up on the curb approaching THE President's house, my tight grasp of my skirt, shirt and sweater trio turns duet rather unexpectedly and without hesitation, my skirt makes a rapid decent towards the sidewalk!
Good morning, Channing Street. Did someone 
order the "Moons Over My Hammy"? 

Um, no thanks...

I managed to grab my skirt mid knee and yank it up.
The bright side?
My face now matches my legs.

Oh the indignity....


Madi's Mama said...

:) LOL! Quite the word picture you have painted. Made me smile, sorry at your expense! Hope your day ends well.

Misty said...

Oh Jodi! I was thinking what a picture you paint too! LOL So may want to try knee highs and long skirts!

Theresa said...

I am laughing so hard I am crying!!

Anonymous said...

I'm with you, Theresa!!! :) I read it aloud funny! Would have loved to see it! Ashley

Making Memories 1999 said...

Dearest make even the mundain things in life "sparkle" with your story-telling quality! (OK, I'll admit, this wasn't mundain, but still...) Sorry for you...but glad you found some humor in it!! Love ya, Girl!!!

Gramma said...

Oh Jodi~
You do have a way with words! Hope the rest of your was Friday and half day..was more enjoyable! I also hope you are keeping these blogs in a journal for "Little Miss Babycakes"!
Hugs...Sara's Gramma

Leah said...

This is hilarious... well, not really since you did actually face this "indignity", but it sure was a great read! =)

Jenn said...

*giggling* oh poor thing! this is SO something that would happen to me, though, so i totally feel your pain! sorry it happened...but thanks for made my day! *still giggling*...(sorry)

Charity said...

Scrolling through older posts and found this- too funny! Bless your heart!!!

Char said...

Haven't been to your blog for a this post!!! HATE the pantyhose!!! Feel your pain of the "rolldown" LOL!

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