Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Warning: Pregnant Lady Rants!!!

An Open Letter To Whom it May Concern:

I do not know who did this (see attached picture), but I can not fathom a good enough reason for anyone to remove chewed gum from their mouth and stick it to the coffee bar sink.

First, the mouth is full of germs and gum is like a sticky fly trap for germs and mouth debris- no one wants to see your gum, let alone find it adhered to the sink where they clean their coffee cups. Nor do they want the pleasure of disposing of your dirty, chewed gum for you.

Second, the sink is not a trash can. I assume whoever left it there thought it was because I can not imagine that they intended to put the gum back in their mouth after sticking to the sink everyone uses for everything from washing their dirty hands to washing their dirty dishes... surely not?!

I am going to try to think the best of the person that did this (and I really have to put my imagination to work here so bear with me)...
MAYBE someone was standing at the sink and the water was so cold (or hot) that they became startled and in the moment that they yelped in surprise, the gum simply fell out.
MAYBE the lights were not on and/or they have exceptionally poor eye sight so they did not notice their gum sticking stubbornly to the sink.
MAYBE they are really absent-minded and did not notice that the gum they were masticating only moments before no longer resided between their mandibular and maxillary molars.

Perfunctory Curses:

May the gum disintegrate in your acidic mouth the next time you consider leaving your fly trap, germ infested, gum on the sink.

May you swallow your own tongue and become asphyxiated if you repeat this dirty deed.


Dixie said...

Gross indeed, but your post is hilarious!

Theresa said...

Couldn't have said it any better myself! What a hoot!
You are the best.

Liz said...

Its hilarious the things that stir an expectant mother's passions... I'm thinking *maybe* they were talking on their cell phone and carrying their coffee cup and didn't have an extra hand to dispose of their unruly gum. :>) Do any four year olds work there??? :>) That's another possibility, I guess...

Jen Black said...

hysterical! I loved your ending curse :) so funny!

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