Silence

Silence: The condition or quality of being or keeping still and silent.

This picture has nothing to do with this post... ♥

I have been thinking about silence. More specifically, I have been wondering why I am so uncomfortable with it. Why is it hard for me to just be?
Last night I found myself on my front porch enjoying a few moments of doing nothing. Just sitting there. No baby. No husband. No cell phone. No Internet. No ipod. Nothing. Just me and my thoughts.
 It wasn't more than a few minutes before I started thinking of something that I COULD be doing WHILE enjoying my moments of leisure:

• Facebook
• Blog reading
• Watching the next episode of________
• Chatting on the phone

You get it.


Harmless right? These things are the spice of life. The additives.
They are to life what ketchup is to pot roast.
Sweet and zingy- and totally unnecessary.


So, I was just getting ready to go inside to get my cell phone, but I stopped myself.
I decided to just soak up the beautiful evening "as is" without any additives.


You should probably know that I am constantly making lists both literally and mentally.
I've got:

• my prayer list
• the Norah list
• the Kirk list
• a running grocery list
• the bill list (what's due and when)
• my appointment list
• my fake wish list (warm cozy socks and world peace)
• my REAL wish list (this awesome lens and a girdle that "hides" around 75 lbs.)
• the fix-it list
• the housework list
• my self-improvement list
• my personal goals list
• my bad habits (which I hope to someday overcome) list
• my regret list (Currently at the top: "Why did I share my girdle wish with the www?")
• my reading list 

My point is this: I had just added another chore to one of my many lists.


This is how it went:


Inhale.
Note the pleasant coolness of the smokey breeze. 
Exhale


Inhale
Note the pretty glow from the jack-o-lanterns on the porch.
Exhale.


Ok! Scribble. Scribble. Scribble.
(That was me scratching: Enjoy the beautiful evening "as is" off my to-do list.)


Now that, THAT'S done... on to something else!


When did it become a chore to listen to the skittering leaves as they wash across the street?
When did this cloak become uncomfortable and ill fitting?
When did I become this person that needs non-stop entertainment (passive or otherwise)?
 
Poet and Pulitzer Prize winner, Marianne Moore is quoted as saying, "One should above all, learn to be silent, to listen; to make possible promptings from on high."
I wonder, how many times have I missed that still, small voice because I was too busy doing?




Hmmm. Something to think about.